Better late than never...

Blogging has taken a backseat this past month. Other life priorities kinda shoved this blog to the bottom of the list. As I was sifting through my photos for May, I came across Mother's Day and smiled at some of the festivities that occurred that weekend.

I read somewhere that motherhood is a trying journey. But because we have our Heavenly Father as a role model of being the perfect parent, we have a vision/goal of how we want to be with our own children. These days, it's a daily challenge to remember that my first and foremost priority is the Lord. Anything else that takes my focus away (even when it's a good thing), becomes an idol in my life. This excerpt from a blog I read connected my recent devos and life lessons together:

"Today I have an opportunity. I have a challenge. I have a goal and I want to press hard towards it. In the very beginning of this day I was to recognize my human nature to create gods, carving on them to be and do what I want them to do for me. . . and I want to take my carving tools to my Heavenly Father's feet and leave them there.

My children, my husband - they need to know what it means to be loved, not carved on and made into my little gods today. With the Lord as my strength, may I press on to have no other gods but Him."

Trying to live for Him everyday....

Dreaming...

{Big Sur}: I think the husband & I will be retiring here...
More get-away pictures to come...

The Fear Dance

Oh it's been quite a month. I took a break from blogging because I had so much to process and think about. I'm still in the process of learning different things. But I feel like I need to download some of my thoughts before I overload in my heart. Though some lessons taught have been painful and dreary, I've learned that it is sometimes necessary to go through these "valleys" in order to learn more about my Heavenly Father's heart.

In the marriage group that Jay and I are a part of, we are going through a book written by Gary Smalley, DNA Relationships. One of the chapters brought up an important thing I'm learning about in marriage.... The Fear Dance. I learned that I have many fears. I also learned that my reactions to these fears often trigger Jay's core fears....and vice versa. I know we all have different core fears, such as the fear of being unloved or rejected. But it was eye opening to realize that Jay and I sometimes engage in a toxic dance of triggering each other's fears when we get into conflict.

In my personal devos, I am learning about the idols we worship in our everyday lives. The word, "idol" almost sounds so "old testament".... until I dug deeper to learn how I have "gods" in my life that I have a hard time giving up. I think the hardest kinds of gods to give up are the "people gods". I place expectations on people and of course when they fall short, I am disappointed and so is the other person. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person feeling this way...or am I?

In ministry, new core fears develop. The fear of inadequacy and incompetence. I struggle with these fears when serving Him. But what lies! I constantly hear the deceptions that I'm not who I think I am as a leader, a teacher, a mom, a friend, sister, daughter and wife....I constantly play out scenarios that simply aren't true! Sometimes, the scenarios become truth. And as they seep into my daily life, I withdraw and feel abandoned by the Lord at times. Isn't that exactly what the deceiver wants us to feel and think!

I am seeking His healing presence daily. It is freeing to know that I only have to please Him and not the people around me. It is humbling to try to be single-mindedly focused on Him and not be double-minded like it says in James 4:8. How do I... or we, stay out of this miserable tie to pleasing the world rather than Him? Isn't His grace and mercy enough for me?

His Words hold the truth, I know. But I've let the lies lead me away from enjoying His presence. This has done nothing but make me an emotional mess this past few months. But hey, aren't we all a work in progress? So, I'm working on it and He's been working on me. Good times.

"No matter how long winter is, spring always comes..."

Is it spring yet?

No, I didn't lose interest in blogging....yet. I've just been battling....life. But aren't we all? Just when I think things are settling down, something else comes along to challenge my faith. Currently, I'm battling an attack of the allergies/sinus/cold thing. My weapons of choice: Manuka honey and yoga. It's been helping, but nevertheless, it makes my day feel longer somehow.

God's been teaching me a lot of things lately. Things about the sacrifice of serving Him, loving Him and my family. I'm learning things I thought I had already learned. Ever felt like that? Same ole' lesson thrown in your face over and over again. Somedays it's enough to make me crawl into bed and never come out again. So that's why I've been missing days of blogging....

Much more thoughts to come but for now....just glimpses of spring has been making me smile....

Flowers for mommy's birthday

Tried my hand at floral arranging...

Saturday Breakfast: Pop over pancakes 

Recent discovery: Crayola now makes dry erase crayons!
We'll be writing favorite family verses on our dining room
mirror. Love it!

15 Years Ago....

Yesterday marked 15 years of commitment between the hubby and I. And this is where we decided to set it straight for the record. I was 18 and he was 19 years old . He took me to the Newport Beach Pier and we strolled in for burgers and shakes (starting to sound like a country song). In the midst of his messy chili burger, he broke the silence by saying, "Soooo....I think I'm okay with the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. How about you?" Wow....how 15 years have flown by. I wonder if we were a good laugh for the Lord and His crew every now and then.... 

I knew that Jay was for me. Call it a vibe. Instinct. Whatever. But I knew in our short interactions that we would grow old together. Somehow I knew. But I couldn't see how it would all line up. Goes to show how even if the Lord showed us the future, we would still be uncertain because we wouldn't know the "way" to get "there." I knew the answers were in His hands. So I sought the Lord for months leading up to our dinner on the pier.

God is funny. I sought Him about one thing. And he gave me visions about things that were so random to me. I became Jay's secret prayer warrior, praying for things that the Lord would show him in the years to come. Things like, worship leading (oh I love my husband but he couldn't sing row, row, row your boat for the life of him in those days), playing guitar, missions, leading youth kids/adults....the list grew every time I came to the Lord about him. Not wanting to creep him out, I didn't tell him what the Lord was showing me in my prayers.

Like with all good things....life gets complicated. And at age 18, things got complicated. But that's another story for another rainy day. But I will say that my faith was stretched. I learned about my Lord. And I learned what it meant to offer my life and all control to Him. It doesn't mean I'm a pro at it now. It just means I discovered how it was necessary to stay......sane.

I waited in patience for the Lord to do His thing or actually...THINGS. And after much heartache and prayers, we came to the "end of the pier".......jumped. (hahaha....good metaphor, huh?)

Fast forward 15 years....and here we are. We decided to go back to the same pier on the same date as 15 years ago and show Nathan where "we" started. I think he was intrigued. We even showed him the very spot where daddy proposed to mommy!

We sat at the same table overlooking the same ocean and the same sunset. We ordered our burgers. I ordered my cherry vanilla coke as usual and I made the same face as he ordered his malt shake. I was never a fan of malts. Ick. Some things don't change. And as we ate, we marveled at how far we've come. God has been so good to us. Our 15 years had its ups and downs. But here we were....still in one piece...by His grace.

After dinner, we took the auto ferry across the waters to Balboa Island. We HAD to do that just for fun. Plus, it was fun to watch Nathan enjoy our little ride over. Blurry pictures but...it's kinda neat at the same time.

It was a beautiful night. A little chilly like it was 15 years ago but I loved how we've become a family. 15 years ago, we walked back after our dinner in near silence. We walked apart a little....like we didn't know what we got ourselves into. But after last night, as we walked back, I smiled. Did we know that 15 years later, we'd be back as a family of 3? We had Nathan in between us and we rammed our bodies together to keep warm from the ocean breeze. I love how comfortable we have become as a family of three. Here's to another 15 years, love!

"Leaving Las Vegas...Leaving for good..."

Here's the rest of our Las Vegas trip....

The Egg & I Restaurant: freshly made banana nut muffin... yum! 

Nate's stuffed strawberry french toast

Corn beef hash skillet with country potatoes 

Heading into Red Rock Canyon
This was just down the street from a new residential area...
wouldn't it be fun to be neighbors to this place? 

Surrounded by sandstone

Millions of years ago, this was the ocean floor

Don't look at the husband's shorts....it was freezing cold with strong winds that
practically blew us away!

"Hey mommy! It's those trees that move in RANGO!!!" 

Taken by Nate
(Where's the husband, you ask? In the truck. Like
I said, it was COLD!) 

gypsum .... a common stone/mineral found in the canyon

My two bunnies...

I have a phobia for cactus....But I'm getting better...
I got quite close to this Joshua Tree...

When we left the canyon, we passed a Dunkin Donuts and HAD
to stop by for a snack. Mmmmm...childhood memories of stealing
sips of mom's coffee (CAUFEE) in Jersey ....

Buffet dinner at Planet Hollywood...
Yes, that's cotton candy!

The drive home....we went from sunny to cloudy...to rain...sleet and SNOW!

I don't know why but the blue color of this truck thing looked
beautiful against the snowy background....

Thanks to Judy (Olive's godmother) for house sitting...
We came home to a clean house, happy dog and welcoming message!
We LOVE you, JUDES!!!! <3


Hope your week is going well, readers!
Look for His blessings wherever you go.....