Never Let Go

WHY is it so hard to come home from retreats and go on with our "normal" lives? I found myself floating through the day with my mind still at Victory Ranch and with all the kids. There was such a close bond that grew this past weekend. To be ripped away physically and thrown back into life's routines seems so harsh. I was never good at farewells. Leaving the retreat site, I felt sad. Someone said that the reason we feel this way sometimes is because we were created for eternity. We're not supposed to ever have farewells.  But one day, we'll never have to say goodbye. I look forward to the day where I get to hang out with my brothers and sisters and no one has to leave or go anywhere. It'll be forever!

I feel like I purged myself this weekend to the Lord. There were a lot of areas in my life that were out of my control that I had to release and give to the Lord. There were friendships that I had to mend and nurture this past weekend too. And all of this was so emotionally draining. I came home happy, content, tired, full, satisfied, longing, and even more in love with my Savior.

So I wanted today to be different. I wanted my weekend to transform my routine. It didn't. I still rushed around the house to leave for work on time. I had to play the mean teacher to a class of half asleep students. A dull headache followed me around. Coffee played a mean trick on me this morning by not waking me up. The list goes on....I pretty much came home and sank in the couch as Nathan did homework. I never do that. I'm usually running around the house cleaning, prepping dinner and fitting in some yoga in there. But my day felt so disappointing, I just wanted to stop and .... drop. And so I did.

My knight in shining armor of a husband came home and gave me the best gift. Rest. I am always in awe of how the Lord has graciously gifted me a man that knows my needs and lavishes such love on me. It is humbling when I realize just how much MORE the Lord Himself loves me. So Jay came home and spent time playing with Nathan. Then he came down to me he was picking up dinner from our latest favorite Hawaiian BBQ joint, OLA. That alone was enough to pick up my day. I sighed a sigh of relief. After dinner, we decided to play a quick family game of UNO Attack. This was the highlight of my day! It ended up to be a 45 minute game with no ending since it was well past Nathan's bedtime. I was sooo close to winning when Nathan slapped down a card that ordered me to push the attack button twice which meant MORE cards would spit out at me. We all laughed at its horrible timing. And as I reluctantly pushed the button, Nathan cried, "Well, mommy, life is full of disappointments!" Such a true statement!

My evening is almost about to end. The day is over. I know now that there was no way I could've gotten through today without His tight grip on me. He did not let go of me once today. We sang a song last week during Family Devos and at retreat: Never Let Go. What an awesome reminder that song is.

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We'll live to know You here on the earth

The good thing about days like this is that the Lord who is the Maker of the heavens and the earth will grant us a new day tomorrow. The sun will rise again and the dew will settle on the grass again as a reminder that with Him, all things are made new. What an amazing Father we worship! I get to start over again tomorrow. I'm signing off for now... a quick shower and then time to settle into His Words for the night. I'm looking forward to hearing from Him.....

Jen