At His feet...

I took a personal day off today. I planned it specifically today knowing tomorrow would be a furlough day. So today is the beginning of a 4 day weekend for me. And I think everyone should have one every now and then. It has been soothing to my soul....

I was quite productive.... I started my morning with a bowl of oatmeal that Nathan had lovingly made me. He placed it on a plate and brought it upstairs where I was getting ready. My sweet boy made sure he put my multivitamin next to my oatmeal. I am spoiled by him. As I took my first bite, I watched his face crinkle into that handsome smile of his as he watched me eating the oatmeal he made me.

After dropping Nathan off at school, I browsed the aisles at Target...alone. Almost as good as savoring a rich piece of chocolate. I headed home and then settled into my time with the Lord with my coffee. And as I dug into His words today, I felt His familiar voice surround me with the assurance that only He could provide. This week has been a healing week. It was full of rest and joy. I think the Lord knew I needed it.

I'm at the end of my study on the book of Ruth. It kinda makes me sad that I have finished a story on someone's life. When I began this study, I thought I would identify with young beautiful Ruth. But as the study went on, and life began unfolding some very challenging times, I found myself identifying with Ruth's mother-in-law, Naomi. "Call me Mara (bitter)"....was on my mind for days as Jay went looking for a new job in the beginning of December. The uncertainty and the feeling of being "unnoticed" by the Lord blinded me from His arms.

In the end of Ruth's story, the focus changed back to Naomi as she held her new grandson in her arms. She was surrounded by her girlfriends probably all ooh-ing and ahh-ing over baby Obed's chubby feet and arms. And then their words of blessings struck me. I learned that despite Naomi's bitter past, the Lord still provided and watched over her. He was not perceivable nor was He apparent in her life. But he was still active. He kept watch over her and Ruth, and orchestrated an interesting line of events leading to Boaz's proposal. This week's study was the closing of this story. It ended with probably the most interesting geneology in the entire Bible. Obed's family tree led to Jesse, who was the father of the future King David, whose family tree would later lead to my own redeemer, Jesus Himself. It's fascinating to reflect on the providence of our Lord.

I have no need to control things in my life. As a teacher, I've learned there is only so much you can control. Flexibility is my middle name! But I realize my fear is more about "being controlled" by others or things in life.  When life throws me scary things, my first reaction is the ostrich effect, where I long to bury my head in sand. But I have learned that the Lord still has me in His hands despite everything. He still has a plan for me, to use me despite my flaws, and to bring glory to His name despite the scary corners that life brings me to. Actually, I'm still learning that. It might be a life long lesson, come to think of it. It will be a daily challenge to surrender my will to Him, and entrust Him with my day to day life. But unless I do, I know that my life will be controlled by other things or people.

I ended my morning with my usual yoga workout. I had done my spiritual workout....may as well work out physically too. And as I finished with my last vinyasa, tears poured out of me...from somewhere deep inside...as if the Lord was purging me from inside out....I felt refreshed.

And so I rested in His words this morning......" My child, don't you know that I am here working in your life despite your tantrums? Hold tight to My promises. I have a legacy for you that you are building. Take heart... I want Your heart, whole and true....trust Me, and I will provide your every need beyond your imagination....."

This orchid took almost 2 years for regrowth..... a sign to never give up.

Striving...

An excerpt from a blog (Brielle Murray's Blog) I've been following...

"STRIVE TO TRUST ME in more and more areas of your life. Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity.  Instead of running away from these challenges, embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties.  If you believe that I am Sovereign over every aspect of your life, it IS possible to trust Me in all situations.  Don't waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been.  Start at the present moment - accept things exactly as they are - and search for My way in the midst of these circumstances.

Trust is like a staff you can lean on, as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear as much of your weight as needed.  Lean on, trust, and be confident in Me with all your heart and mind."

-From the "Jesus Calling" Devotional by Sarah Young

His Reflection

I learned a lot today.

I was particularly tired today after a restless night of listening to the howling wind trying to take off our roof. I think I tried to function on about 3 hours of sleep. It kinda reminded me of the days where I had to get up at least 3 times in the night to nurse Nathan. Or, when we would go to church retreats, stay up all night and then try to listen to the speaker the next day. So I floated through today, tired and feeling extremely vulnerable emotionally and spiritually.

I think since our new service, Kairos, started, I felt the pressure to be a positive "light" for the Lord; to serve Him by serving those around me in any way, shape or form. What was a calling from the Lord was misunderstood for pressure to generate "light"... to be the sun. But unlike the sun, I soon felt drained... and the "light" seemed to dim. This became even more obvious to me when it seemed like to others, commitment to this new service didn't seem a priority. To be honest, I know exactly what made the light diminish....bitterness. Voices in my mind questioned my commitment. "It's not fair" came into my mind a lot.

Like with all life burdens, it soon affected me physically.  First, a creeping migraine... then a swollen lymph node.... and then the neck aches...ugh.

And so maybe it was my fatigue .... but during this morning's prayer meeting, I "unloaded"....vented.... cried (not even caring that it took forever to use my makeup to make myself look more "awake" this morning).....and brothers and sisters (ok, just Channing) listened....maybe even empathized. And then during Adam's closing prayer, something he said struck a chord with me and it carried me through the rest of the day.....maybe it was an answer to my unsaid prayers....

I don't remember what he said word for word. But here's how it resounded with me all day. His prayer was that we didn't need to generate light for Him. He is our source of light. Instead of being like the sun, we should be more like the moon. May we reflect His light....His glory.... His love....

Reflect.... not generate. As a third grade teacher, teaching about the moon is a part of our curriculum. Did you know that the moon is just a plain ole' rock? It doesn't make its own light. It reflects the sun's light. Some scientists think that the moon may have once been a part of the earth eons ago until a meteor hit earth and chipped a part of it into space.  That chipped rock became our moon. Just like that. An accident or coincidence. Some planets have more than one moon or no moon at all. But I think our Creator was brilliant in the way He planned the position of our moon and what it would be responsible for (i.e. ocean waves). A useless rock..... until it reflected the sun. Just check the sky on a night when the moon cycle is on the new moon phase.... it's still there but you won't see a darn thing.

I need to remind myself that the pressure to generate light is not my responsibility. It is His. My job is to simply reflect His love, His glory, His light. Without Him, I'm as good as....a new moon.... existing but not reflecting anything.

So my next question was HOW do I reflect His glory better? My focus this week will be to spend more time in praying. Will you join me in this challenge? Sure, I pray daily.... my drive to work, before meals, in the shower...etc... prayer life as a full-time working mom takes on a new meaning. But I want to be consumed with Him this week.... breathing prayers throughout my day. In everything I face this week, I want to fix my gaze on Him. I want to be His reflection.

Have a beautiful week, everyone.... and maybe you'll consider joining me at prayer meeting next Sunday  morning at 9am....(hahaha....good plug, huh? I tried.)

"For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness', has shone in our hearts to give (reflect) the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." -II Cor. 4:6

Etcetera...

Just thought I'd share some things I'm surrounded by here at home.... 

Measuring cups from Anthropologie (gift from Judy); too pretty to use, I love them so! 

These lil' blue friends are some of the remainders of my childhood. They  were part of a whole set of figurines that my mom had on top of my piano when I was a little girl. Seeing them reminds me of being 8 again....

This? Well.....I'm married to him. Gotta love him...

Posing for mom

A Color Me Mine project: my daily reminder of His love

A Father's Pride

Today's time with the Lord reminded me of my dad. There are still days and moments where it takes my breath away in knowing I won't see him until I see the Lord myself. He was such a loving dad. I can still hear his cheesy lines when I would come home from class back in college. "Here comes Miss Placentia!!!" he'd shout as I rolled my eyes at him. Then he'd continue with his lines "You know, sweetheart, you are so beautiful." (more eye rolling)...

Today in the book of Ruth (ch. 4), it talked about the customs of making a transaction in ancient Israel. Boaz was having his all important meeting with the closer kin of Ruth's and with other men from town as witnesses. When the kin turned the property and Ruth down, Boaz stood up to make an announcement. He declared Ruth to be his wife. And he said her name quite humorously...."Ruth the Moabite, widow of Mahlon!" Remember, the title of being a Moabite was not something to be proud of. And yet, Boaz declared her entire name to the group of men. I couldn't help but think he said it with a huge silly grin similar to my dad's smiles when he used to greet me at the door.

This reminds me of the Lord Himself who "knows my name." Recently in Pursuit, we studied John 20. In this chapter Mary had an encounter with the risen Lord Himself. She was so blinded with grief that she didn't realize that her Lord was standing right in front of her until He said her name in that too familiar voice she was longing for. I haven't heard my own dad's voice in about 5 years now, but I know if I heard it, I'd know it was him. Do I know the Lord's voice just as well? Am I familiar to His calling? He says my name unabashedly...boldly....because He doesn't care that I'm a flawed, selfish human. He still smiles and would probably carry my picture in His wallet, if He had one. What a proud Heavenly Father we have! Sometimes it is hard to fathom that kind of deep love from the kindness of a Savior, and the faithfulness of a Lover.

I am amazed at His love for me....for us. It makes me want to pause and worship Him. The song that comes to mind is: This Is Our God (by Hillsong)

Your grace is enough 

More than I need

And your word I will believe

I wait for you

Draw near again

And your spirit make me new

And i will fall at your feet

I will fall at your feet

And i will worship you here

Your presence in me

Jesus light the way

By the power of your word

I am restored

I am redeemed

By your spirit I am free

And I will fall at your feet

I will fall at your feet

And i will worship you here

Freely you gave it all for us

Surrendered your life upon that cross

Great is your love

Poured out for all

This is our God

Lifted on high from death to life

Forever our God is glorified

Sovereign king

Rescued the world

This is our God

And I will fall at your feet

I will fall at your feet

And I will worship you here.....

Dessert negotiations between a boy & his dog...

So proud of his creation!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2D0g4Kizto

[r e d e m p t i o n]: um, what is it really?

I'm still reading and studying the book of Ruth. I'm at the part where Boaz has just been surprised by a midnight visitor, Ruth. And after a really interesting yet odd conversation (maybe even an awkward one), they settle in for a very long wakeful night. The next morning before light, Ruth leaves Boaz knowing that he would be talking to a closer kin about whether or not he would marry her. If not, Boaz would take her as his wife. I can't imagine the excitement and fear that arose in Ruth as she made her way back to Naomi, her mother-in-law. (Ruth Ch. 3) It reminds me of the night when I discovered that the guy I was in love with in college ( now married to) actually reciprocated my feelings. I think I floated home that night. I'm sure Ruth floated home that morning.

What a hero Boaz is. He was Ruth's redeemer. Here she was a Moabite, who was pretty much shunned. She was a widow who had no family except Naomi. She owed nothing, and no one owned her. Powerless and maybe even hopeless. And then comes Boaz on a white horse....yes, shining armor and all.

What a hero Jesus is. He is my redeemer. Here I am, imperfect, flawed, hopeless and powerless. No destiny or even a dream. And then comes my Lord on a white horse...with more than a shining armor. He was ABLE and WILLING to redeem us. Can you imagine if He was ABLE but not WILLING? Our lives really would be over....stranded...hopeless. The thought of it makes me anxious and depressed. But oh, the thrill of knowing that I AM REDEEMED....saved, loved that much! He was not just ABLE to redeem us, but he was WILLING to swoop me up on that white horse and take me with Him. If that's not love, then what is?

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." (Romans 8:1-2) Beautiful.

I won't be able to ever repay Him for what He has done for me anymore than Ruth can repay Boaz. So the question is what does His willingness to save me mean to me personally? It means I need to serve Him whole-heartedly...to love Him with reckless abandon,  no limits..... even if it means to do things illogically for Him.

What a relaxing weekend it has been. I spent yesterday with Joy and Judy talking about anything, everything. We ate a lovely brunch at Kimmie's cafe and then lounged around the house for the rest of the day. What a full day today was. Prayer meeting, prepping the refreshments and then worship service. I am drained but entirely full of His love and joy. Thanks to Martin Luther King, Jr., I have another day to rest....

Some pictures from the weekend....

One of my students created word searches for me to do over the weekend. Isn't that cute? Look, even Olive is in the word bank! 

Coffee table: see that disco ball? It's responsible for the picture below.

See those dots everywhere? Picture doesn't do it justice, but the entire livingroom was filled with light holes from the reflected disco ball! 

Does he have enough Silly Bandz? 

Sunday's Outfit: yes, I finally purchased my first pair of TOMS! Glittery black ones...very comfy. (I asked Jay to take pictures of me...but out of the 4 pics, this was the only decent one...)


Have a great week!

Staying In...

It's Wednesday! Almost the weekend! We finally got to stay in for the evening. We haven't done that in awhile with our family's busy schedule. So here's a glimpse of our evening:

Peanut butter cookies....
A new recipe involving my favorite cereal from childhood: Cap'n Crunch! 

"Mommy, I've always wanted to try the fork thingy on the cookies"
(Nate's look of concentration while imprinting the famous marks on peanut butter cookies.)

While the cookies baked, Nate read his recent favorite book to me, The Boxcar Children.

While the cookies baked, I prepared some needed supplies for Kairos!
*pictured: my recent DIY obsession= chalkboards!

Where I sat blogging tonight....

Even Olive stayed around to listen to Nate reading...

DONE!

How were they? Gotta come visit and find out, I guess! *wink

"Eyeballs!" *Click!

So in my classroom of 31 kids, I often need a way to get their attention. So I usually yell out, "EYEBALLS!" and all 31 kids (almost every one) shout back, "CLICK!" and freeze their eyes on me. Sometimes the wide-eyed looks they give me is enough to send me into waves of laughter. But it's a great way to get them to stop in the middle of something to focus on the teacher.

Focus. That's the theme of my devos today. I went through a couple of stories today starting with how Ruth depended on Boaz for everything. Without him, she was nothing. I read about how Christ provides our every need from sicknesses to feeding the hungry and providing us with more than we can imagine in life. These seemed to be all tangible things. I wondered about the intangible things that I need the Lord to supply me at times. For instance, these days I really need patience. I desperately need this from Him so that I can give it out to those around me who "need" it from me. And the challenge that came with today's devos was convicting. I need to meditate on His Words, be in His presence often, commit to "focused" prayers and then wait quietly at His feet, just like Ruth did as she met her Boaz at the threshing floor that dark uncertain night. In these moments, my supply will replenish. My problem is staying focused. My mind tends to wander off to the thousands of random things I need to do when I'm trying to wait upon the Lord's oh so quiet voice. (The laundry beckons, the papers need to be graded, and did I sign Nathan's Reading Log?)

All of you know by now, I've got another kid in this household with 4 legs. My dear sweet Olive, the puggle. She's three now. What's funny about her is the way she communicates with those big sad button eyes. Right now, she's trying to ask me to go out and play in the wind. She scratches the glass sliding door and then stares at me.....focuses on me....never deterring from my face until I reluctantly get up and let her go out. If I give her a treat, I make her wait until I say "ok!". So when she awaits her treats, she watches my face and waits eagerly (sometimes drooling)  until I give the okay. I can learn from her focus-ness (is that a word?). Do I wait eagerly (and even drool) for His Words? Do I keep my eyes affixed on His face? And am I persistent at scratching at His door?

My time with the Lord tonight was refreshing. It was a soothing recovery from my crazy Monday morning. My lovely husband who makes the morning coffee everyday forgot to today. Then I discovered that he took my lunch to work. Bless his heart....he does so much for me. He is definitely a "Boaz" in my life. Upon arriving at school, I realized I left my laptop charger still plugged into the wall at home. So it was kinda tricky today. After a loud sigh, Nathan looked up at me and said, "Mommy, maybe you should've just taken the day off!" No kidding! But in the midst of it all, I think I just laughed at the craziness and made the best of it. I think I did my best to stay focused on the "big" picture. It was as if the Lord Himself laughed along with me and bellowed out, "EYEBALLS!" "Click!"

Style? Or Comfort?

So, what did all of you think of Kairos's very first service? What a crazy yet fun morning we had! You might be wondering why I posted this ugly picture of my shoes (with toes that badly need a new pedicure). These were the shoes I wore today. Aren't they fun? They're pretty comfortable for 4 inch heels. I teach in them and run in them when there's a student I'm chasing down..... But today? Today was different....

Being assigned to do the refreshment table for Kairos sounded fun. No problem! I love hosting from my home....how hard could it be to host from a table? Little did I know that the morning would be filled with a scavenger hunt for coffeemakers, creamers, cups, spoons, hot water, oatmeal (this didn't even make it to the table), and other things that were needed but not even on the list.... somewhere in our church we have coffee stirring sticks, did you know that? I ran in circles carrying things, unloading, spreading out...etc. Needless to say, my feet hurt. I badly wanted to take them off and run in that beautiful green grassy knoll we have between the 2 buildings. Ugh....Things just didn't turn out the way I pictured it.

I finally finished serving with the help of my sidekick, Eric and my right hand woman, Naomi (Thanks again, girlfriend...what would I have done without you this morning??). I looked forward to sitting in service and soaking in His presence....without my shoes on.... (holy ground, right?) Pastor Lao rose and began his talk on Peter walking on water with Jesus. While listening, I threw my shoes off (nearly missed hitting Torrence who was next to me) feeling dejected after such a crazy morning with providing refreshments.... or trying to.

As I continued to listen to the sermon, I began to appreciate what Pastor L was saying. Being uncomfortable in the Lord is something of a necessity... like when Peter was asked to walk on water.... or when David picked up those stones... or when Noah was asked to build an ark. In the midst of being uncomfortable,we are stretched and used by Him. It's HOW we respond to the discomfort that matters the most. Kinda like my shoes......I love my shoes....while they were comfortable. When my feet began to ache, I wanted to throw them off. When my life is comfortable, I tend to get complacent with the Lord. I strut around thinking I've got it. When life gets uncomfortable, my reaction determines how much my faith will grow. I've learned to run to my Father. That's when I long to sit on his lap and twirl my finger around his robe like a two year old. But what a risk it is to desire being uncomfortable! What will I lose? What will I suffer? Yet, what will I learn? How will I grow? Will I be closer to who He wants me to be? Will the reward outweigh its cost? YES!!! I daresay it will!

So ladies...here's to another adventurous week of school, friendship, work, family, laughter, and love...take risks! Seek His challenges even if it means "walking on water".....and when some days seem to dimmer, may we remember to soak in His light so that when things get dark, we "glow" for Him! (Cheesy analogy by Pastor L, but totally makes sense!) Things may get uncomfortable, but hey.....at least, it makes us "beautiful"!

Here goes nothing....or something.

I got my first diary at the tender age of nine. It was white with rainbow hearts all over it. But the best part of this diary was the brass lock and two little keys that came with it. Something about the privacy of it all was intriguing and enticing to me. I started writing in my diary daily and found such comfort in jotting down my thoughts no matter how bad or good my day was. I journaled on and off all the way until my pregnancy. Then it was scattered just like my life was. In the hustling and bustling of "life" through balancing a family, a career, and dealing with losing my dad, I eventually stopped journaling completely.  As my baby boy is now a whopping eight year old, I find myself longing to journal again. But why not blog it? Gotta keep up with the times, right? Maybe this can be my creative outlet...

I named this blog, Fragrant Offerings, because its Chinese translation is my Chinese name. I love what it means! It reminds me of how I need to live my life daily as an offering for my Savior. And not only am I offering my day to Him, but my "fragrance" needs to spread to those around me. He has called me to be His vessel for His glory. This calling is different everyday as a wife first, mom, and a third grade teacher.

I first thought about blogging as I began a new devotional book by Kelly Minter, The Living Room Sessions on RUTH. A few of my ole' small group girls expressed interest in joining me on this study so we began sharing our thoughts and Words from the Lord through email. And then I thought.... it's too bad that other girls in our young adult fellowship and in college can't be a part of our discussions because I have learned a lot these past couple of months. Maybe I can use a blog to reach out to girls who are striving for intimacy with the Lord but can't find the motivation to open His Words yet. Maybe the Lord can use this blog to steer these women closer to Him..... so TA-DA! It's not a fancy blog by far....just my thoughts, dreams, hopes, prayers, wishes, and memories I want to record. So don't bother following this or reading it if it doesn't interest you. I won't be offended!

So, here goes nothing.....or maybe something......