"Today is not tomorrow & tomorrow is not today" -Nate age 3

What is it about kids that make them so....random? I think lately my blogs have been on the mellow side....contemplative and almost kinda....sad. But today I think I'll blog on someone who makes my life happy. Nathan. Age 8. Full of spunk, quirks and randomness....

But how does he stay happy like that day after day? I just closed my devos. book and Bible and the message today was on staying present in "today" and staying disciplined enough to fix my eyes on the Lord who carries me through each and has tomorrow all planned out for me already. It sounds great, but I must confess, I often worry about things that I can only do tomorrow. So I observed Nathan carefully today. And I must say, I am humbled.

Nate's Day:
7 a.m.: wake up and say good morning to mommy....and Olive.
7:15: dilly-dallying with putting clothes on
7:30: brush teeth and mumble a scene from Phineas & Ferb
7:35: go downstairs, put together lunch, eat vitamins, make oatmeal  (make a bowl for mommy, put on a plate and add her multivitamins)
7:40: run upstairs and present breakfast to mommy with HUGE grin; Olive picks up on his high energy and follows him downstairs
7:42: read devo. book "Jesus Calling", look up scriptures in Bible
7:45: Mommy comes down with half eaten oatmeal, put on shoes and grab backpack
7:50: getting in the car speaking with a swedish accent (don't ask)

(On the way to school)....
"Mommy..... play that song....One Thing I Know or something like that...."
Sings along with me all the way to school....

(In my classroom)....
Nate pulls out my laptop, plugs it in (he loves doing techy things like that...wonder where he gets that from)
Gives me a hug and runs out the door to his classroom.... I whisper a daily prayer for the Lord to watch over my sweet boy....

(After school).......
3:00: homework (along with random things that happen during school and recess)
4:15: getting in the car to leave school....speaks with swedish accent again.
On the way home, we discuss the "fabulous 4's" again : homework, feed Olive, shower, & practice piano. He reminds me he doesn't need me to remind him. We'll see.
4:30: Mommy keeps working....Nate strives to complete his Fabulous-ness.
5:00: Paper airplane flies down the balcony into the living room.
5:15: Mommy does yoga...more paper airplanes in various origami shapes hit mommy in the livingroom.
I yell...."You forgot the 4th thing! PIANO!" (Asian mom moment)

(Dinner)....
"Mommy, did you do your devos yet today?" (gulp, no not yet but thanks for reminding me. )
"Just doin' my job" he says.
Nate helps clear the table after dinner.....talking AGAIN in his newfound swedish accent (something about a "man goes up the hill and comes back down...") He repeats the phrase over and over again just like an 8 year old would when someone is laughing.

(Playing UNO Attack)...
Swedish accent continues but this time.....it's a swedish lady! In his falsetto swedish voice he's chiming, "A lady went up the hill and brought back down a sweet mango...." *sigh* Jay finally puts an end to it. But he forgets and almost played an entire game of UNO in swedish.

(In pajamas bouncing down the stairs to say goodnight)....
"*Sigh* Mommy, here.... let me get your devos book and Bible for you..." (I thank him for keeping me accountable.)
"I do my best, darling mommy." Where does he get this stuff?
(I kiss my baby and say, "see you in the morning, dude....")
He bounces up the stairs with such joy, I wonder HOW is he going to fall asleep within the hour? I am exhausted from the day..... and I flip open my devo. book and is immediately pulled to an excerpt that I truly think Nate and most kids abide by....

"Your gravest danger is worrying about tomorrow. If you try to carry tomorrow's burdens today, you will stagger under the load and eventually fall flat. You must discipline yourself to live within the boundaries of today. It is in the present moment that I walk close to you, helping you carry your burdens. Keep your focus on My Presence in the present." (from Jesus Calling)


"Nevertheless, I am continually WITH you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory." (Ps 73:23)

One Thing I Desire (Hillsong)

One thing
One thing I desire
One thing I seek
To gaze upon Your beauty
Your majesty

In the day of trouble
You cover me
In the secret place of refuge
Lord I will sing

So I pray to You
So I pray to You

Lord Your Name is higher than the heavens
Lord Your Name is higher than all created things
Higher than hope
Higher than dreams
The Name of the Lord

All I want is You
All I want is You
Jesus

Never Let Go

WHY is it so hard to come home from retreats and go on with our "normal" lives? I found myself floating through the day with my mind still at Victory Ranch and with all the kids. There was such a close bond that grew this past weekend. To be ripped away physically and thrown back into life's routines seems so harsh. I was never good at farewells. Leaving the retreat site, I felt sad. Someone said that the reason we feel this way sometimes is because we were created for eternity. We're not supposed to ever have farewells.  But one day, we'll never have to say goodbye. I look forward to the day where I get to hang out with my brothers and sisters and no one has to leave or go anywhere. It'll be forever!

I feel like I purged myself this weekend to the Lord. There were a lot of areas in my life that were out of my control that I had to release and give to the Lord. There were friendships that I had to mend and nurture this past weekend too. And all of this was so emotionally draining. I came home happy, content, tired, full, satisfied, longing, and even more in love with my Savior.

So I wanted today to be different. I wanted my weekend to transform my routine. It didn't. I still rushed around the house to leave for work on time. I had to play the mean teacher to a class of half asleep students. A dull headache followed me around. Coffee played a mean trick on me this morning by not waking me up. The list goes on....I pretty much came home and sank in the couch as Nathan did homework. I never do that. I'm usually running around the house cleaning, prepping dinner and fitting in some yoga in there. But my day felt so disappointing, I just wanted to stop and .... drop. And so I did.

My knight in shining armor of a husband came home and gave me the best gift. Rest. I am always in awe of how the Lord has graciously gifted me a man that knows my needs and lavishes such love on me. It is humbling when I realize just how much MORE the Lord Himself loves me. So Jay came home and spent time playing with Nathan. Then he came down to me he was picking up dinner from our latest favorite Hawaiian BBQ joint, OLA. That alone was enough to pick up my day. I sighed a sigh of relief. After dinner, we decided to play a quick family game of UNO Attack. This was the highlight of my day! It ended up to be a 45 minute game with no ending since it was well past Nathan's bedtime. I was sooo close to winning when Nathan slapped down a card that ordered me to push the attack button twice which meant MORE cards would spit out at me. We all laughed at its horrible timing. And as I reluctantly pushed the button, Nathan cried, "Well, mommy, life is full of disappointments!" Such a true statement!

My evening is almost about to end. The day is over. I know now that there was no way I could've gotten through today without His tight grip on me. He did not let go of me once today. We sang a song last week during Family Devos and at retreat: Never Let Go. What an awesome reminder that song is.

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We'll live to know You here on the earth

The good thing about days like this is that the Lord who is the Maker of the heavens and the earth will grant us a new day tomorrow. The sun will rise again and the dew will settle on the grass again as a reminder that with Him, all things are made new. What an amazing Father we worship! I get to start over again tomorrow. I'm signing off for now... a quick shower and then time to settle into His Words for the night. I'm looking forward to hearing from Him.....

Jen

The "C" Word

I knew when the principal called us all in for a "short" staff meeting that it wasn't going to be something good. I just...felt it in the air. So when the news that one of our staff members was just diagnosed with colon cancer was shared, I barely flinched. But surprisingly, my body began to ache...and the room began closing in on me. We were told to "think good thoughts" for her. Every inch of me wanted to stand up and lead our staff in prayer. But I felt so physically ill, I held onto my chair to catch my breath. When people got up to leave after the meeting, I continued sitting there until I could feel my legs again.

Why the dramatic feelings? My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer too. He is the reason why I will be making my first colonoscopy appointment at the tender age of 45. He battled this cancer bravely for about 5 years and then went to be with the Lord in 2006. It was probably the second biggest trauma in my life besides being in an almost fatal car accident in college. All those memories of anxiously awaiting test results from scans after scans and blood tests after blood tests sent my heart and mind racing and clinging to the Lord for dear life. I still remember holding onto my cell phone wherever I went as I awaited doctors and nurses to call me back. The worst time was when I was therapy shopping at Nordstrom Rack  and received a call from hospice care regarding a schedule of when my dad would need his meds. The nurse kept reminding me that a schedule was important to maintain pain-free days for dad during his last days. There I was standing in the line with a pile of clothes I didn't need, a whiny toddler and trying to wedge a phone between my ear and shoulder. If there was ever a time I wished the ground would open and swallow me up, it was that moment. If I remember correctly, I told the nurse I would call back, then I handed the clothes to a confused worker and carried a now screaming toddler to the car with tears blinding my eyes.

Cancer is cancer. It is a thief and robber of life's joys. Being a witness to someone you love struggling with it is heart wrenching. I learned a lot about suffering those five years. It wasn't like I sat there in tears for the entire time. Suffering comes in many forms. There were actually moments of much joy and celebration. In suffering, I learned what REAL joy was. I learned what REAL love and what REAL courage was. There was a lot of good in the midst of darkness. I held tightly to my moments with daddy. I cried a lot. I laughed a lot. I was scared a lot. And I was confused a lot. But it was in those scary moments that I learned to recognize the voice of my Shepherd. "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want......."(Ps. 23)

My whole body took me on a crash course back to 5 years ago when I heard the news of my co-worker yesterday. I was saddened and immediately confused at why the Lord would allow this. But blogging right now is reminding me of His goodness in the midst of fear.....how His perfect love casts out fear. In our human limitations, we can be set free by His nearness and His glory.

I was in the library with my students when my co-worker came walking through to say goodbye. She was picking up some things before her upcoming surgery. Her face appeared tired and jaundiced. I wrapped my arms around her and told her I was praying for her. My words of encouragement didn't seem to do enough. I knew the rest would be up to our Lord. I'm not even sure if she is a believer, but something in me boldly proclaimed His promises. "Nothing is impossible with the Lord. I will pray the impossible for you. Healing will come in His time." It might have not meant a thing to her, or maybe it did. But it was a feeling that I knew was from my Father......my heavenly One and my earthly one. It's not like me to speak boldly like this....but I truly believe that in suffering, our souls are made stronger and bolder. I will not let the "C" word rob us of the joys the Lord gives us!

If you're reading this, will you whisper a quick prayer for my co-worker? Her name is Marla and she was my saving grace substitute when I was out on maternity leave years ago with my Nathan. Pray the impossible! I believe He specializes in these kinds of prayers.

Praying is important....but so is nurturing my poor body that's trying to settle down..... I'm off to an hour long yoga session in the living room.... deep breath in.....deep breath out....looking in.....and looking up.

"Here I come to save the day!"

I HAD to post this picture. It's not shot in the best light or with the best background....but the moment was precious. The laughter, silliness and joy in this moment was sweet.  Every boy has to have a cape....because deep down, they all wish to be superheroes. Oh may these boys grow up knowing their TRUE "Superhero" well!

"Love is all you need..."

We had the day off without daddy...... SO what did we do?

Devos: (from Jesus Calling-Sarah Young)
"Fix your eyes on Me, the Author and Perfecter of
your faith....." 

Where Olive hung out while I made breakfast

Nate's breakfast: A nutella PB & jelly grilled
sandwich on hawaiian sweet bread with a
sprinkle of cinnamon sugar... 

My breakfast: egg in a hole heart

Eating breakfast with his cape on
(gift from Omi...thanks, love!)

"Mommy, can we do this every year for V-day?"

Nate was the best valentine's date ever!
Look at the bling bling on the front of
the card...

First stop: Lifeway Bookstore
I had to get a copy of Jesus Calling. I kept hearing
rave reviews about it...but check it out! They have
a kids' version....Nothing delights me more than to
see Nate's excitement over doing devos.

Next stop: Trader Joe's for juicy strawberries

Nate's tinkering creations: a rock band!
*Drum set

The electric guitar

Used leftover chocolate from the marshmallow pops
and made chocolate dipped strawberries for after dinner

Found a last minute gift for the husband: a leathery-ish Bible
(for $5!!!!!) 

So blessed

Nate dressed up for Vday dinner.
We went out to a small ramen house in Orange...
delicious! Afterwards, we walked around Crystal Court
and came home to devour those chocolate dipped
strawberries!

 Hope your Valentine's was a 

romantic one!

Kindness...

"Mrs. Tan, everyone has a shoebox for their cards. But you don't.
So I made you this bag for all your goodies. And if it gets full,
don't worry, I have a spare one for more goodies." -Justine

Some days it's hard to not take some of these kids home with me. I said some. 

LOVE is in the air!

Prepping marshmallow pops for 30 kids! I didn't have styrofoam
blocks to dry the pops so I used rice to hold them up....clever, huh? :)

My taste tester: "I'll try anything unless it has green peas in it."

Love the sprinkles!

All wrapped up and ready to go!

Coffee tablescape for February

Piano playing: he's still lovin' it...I guess that's a good sign.

 Here are some pictures of today's Valentine's Day festivities....

A simple game of candy hearts battleship!

You .... WON my heart! (instead of "you sunk my battleship!")

My lil' eskimos in Room B12!

February is Black History Month! We had a research project
and presentation. Do you see President Obama? He's right next
to Oprah Winfrey! 

My favorite line: "Your nose is as orange as the sunset."- Collette

Papers to grade.....it never ends...

Italian flashcards to go with our story, The Mysterious Giant of Barletta

Check out their Valentine's shoeboxes!!!! 

"His name is Bob." -Ellie

"Look, Mrs. Tan....I found some heart cards in my room..." -Nick 

Fruit Punch floats!

My favorite V-day book to read: Olive, My Love

Can you tell this is a boy? Look at his fingernails! :)

Don't you love her headband? I'd wear it if I were 8!

This is my view when I sit to read to to my kids... aren't they...
precious?!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YA'LL!!!!!!
XOXO

Etcetera II...

Celebration #1: The husband got me a new keyboard top to replace
my broken one. Check out the dinginess! Gross.......

"R.I.P ole' keyboard..."-- the husband

Celebration #2: New Year's Nian Gao: Sticky rice cake with
red bean (made by mom...but I learned how! Tutorial coming
soon hopefully!)

New Year's Dinner at Mom's: Dumplings, sticky rice, ribs, veggies
and fish! She cooked enough for 20 people but there were only 6
of us.

Mom was so proud of this dish: Sticky rice with chicken ... YUM!
This is why I LOVE being asian...

---Another reason why I love being asian....
Happy New Year's!

This is a poor angle shot but the wardrobe was in my way.
I simply added a vase of pussy willow branches from mom...
and it made my bedroom look more....complete.

O.O.T.D: Getting ready for R.E.D's Workshop:
Jay & I had the honor in speaking to our young
adults about dating! (photo taken by Nate)

I loved this idea! After the marriage workshop, we got to personalize
some coasters with our "thoughts" to our spouse. It's now sitting
on our nightstands....I love' em & I love him....hehehe....so cheesy.

This is the rocking chair that I used to nurse Nathan in, then
I took it to my classroom ...and now, it won't fit in my
classroom with 30 kids...so now it's back home. I love how it sits in the
corner next to books waiting to be read.... just gotta find the time...

Rocking chair photos taken by Nate (he's pretty good, don't you think?)

My latest favorite picture of my lil' love....