His Reflection

I learned a lot today.

I was particularly tired today after a restless night of listening to the howling wind trying to take off our roof. I think I tried to function on about 3 hours of sleep. It kinda reminded me of the days where I had to get up at least 3 times in the night to nurse Nathan. Or, when we would go to church retreats, stay up all night and then try to listen to the speaker the next day. So I floated through today, tired and feeling extremely vulnerable emotionally and spiritually.

I think since our new service, Kairos, started, I felt the pressure to be a positive "light" for the Lord; to serve Him by serving those around me in any way, shape or form. What was a calling from the Lord was misunderstood for pressure to generate "light"... to be the sun. But unlike the sun, I soon felt drained... and the "light" seemed to dim. This became even more obvious to me when it seemed like to others, commitment to this new service didn't seem a priority. To be honest, I know exactly what made the light diminish....bitterness. Voices in my mind questioned my commitment. "It's not fair" came into my mind a lot.

Like with all life burdens, it soon affected me physically.  First, a creeping migraine... then a swollen lymph node.... and then the neck aches...ugh.

And so maybe it was my fatigue .... but during this morning's prayer meeting, I "unloaded"....vented.... cried (not even caring that it took forever to use my makeup to make myself look more "awake" this morning).....and brothers and sisters (ok, just Channing) listened....maybe even empathized. And then during Adam's closing prayer, something he said struck a chord with me and it carried me through the rest of the day.....maybe it was an answer to my unsaid prayers....

I don't remember what he said word for word. But here's how it resounded with me all day. His prayer was that we didn't need to generate light for Him. He is our source of light. Instead of being like the sun, we should be more like the moon. May we reflect His light....His glory.... His love....

Reflect.... not generate. As a third grade teacher, teaching about the moon is a part of our curriculum. Did you know that the moon is just a plain ole' rock? It doesn't make its own light. It reflects the sun's light. Some scientists think that the moon may have once been a part of the earth eons ago until a meteor hit earth and chipped a part of it into space.  That chipped rock became our moon. Just like that. An accident or coincidence. Some planets have more than one moon or no moon at all. But I think our Creator was brilliant in the way He planned the position of our moon and what it would be responsible for (i.e. ocean waves). A useless rock..... until it reflected the sun. Just check the sky on a night when the moon cycle is on the new moon phase.... it's still there but you won't see a darn thing.

I need to remind myself that the pressure to generate light is not my responsibility. It is His. My job is to simply reflect His love, His glory, His light. Without Him, I'm as good as....a new moon.... existing but not reflecting anything.

So my next question was HOW do I reflect His glory better? My focus this week will be to spend more time in praying. Will you join me in this challenge? Sure, I pray daily.... my drive to work, before meals, in the shower...etc... prayer life as a full-time working mom takes on a new meaning. But I want to be consumed with Him this week.... breathing prayers throughout my day. In everything I face this week, I want to fix my gaze on Him. I want to be His reflection.

Have a beautiful week, everyone.... and maybe you'll consider joining me at prayer meeting next Sunday  morning at 9am....(hahaha....good plug, huh? I tried.)

"For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness', has shone in our hearts to give (reflect) the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." -II Cor. 4:6